A Quick Trip To Sooksville.

I think I’m burnt out.

I’m not quite sure though, I’ve never really ever felt like kicking trading to the wall and walking away before – not even that first time when I lost a heap of money. But I do today.

I’m frustrated. Things are taking forever to fall into place, and I’m sick of it. I’m tired of thinking I’ve got it, only to find that I don’t.

I’m tired of congratulating myself on a new achievement, a new level of accomplishment only to find a whole new area that I’m just so sadly lacking in that I’m almost back to square one. If it’s not square one, it looks suspiciously like square two.

I’m tired of snails pace.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I lay awake wondering if I’m delusional – that I think far too highly of myself and that perhaps I don’t actually have what it takes to grasp real success at trading. Perhaps it’s just a massively inflated ego that lets me believe I can do anything, when in reality I’m just average, and no-one special at all.

Maybe.

But I can’t quit.

I can’t quit because if I do, I’m normal. I’m like every other mum in the world who sits around at home and watches Ellen on TV while eating 3 packets of Tim Tams. And that, to me is intolerable. I’ll never be that person. I know with my whole soul that I’m not destined for that kind of average.

So I have to trade. Right or wrong, trading defines me, and makes me who I am. 99 days out of 100, trading makes me a better person – a more thoughtful, creative, passionate, fulfilled, loving and purposeful person. It inspires me to become better in all areas of my life, not just a better trader.

And that’s why after a short break I’ll be back - reworking my method, filling the holes and growing. Because there is no other option for me.

I am a Trader.

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http://www.quantifiedstrategies.com/ Oddis71

Hi, I came across your website. I like your style of writing. Keep up the good work!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=689155543 Hugh Kimura

You will get it…have a relaxing break!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=688588664 Colin Miller

Jess, just reading through the comments your latest post inspired from readers – there is real quality there and I challenge any reader to not gain something valuable from this discussion. Sharing a little vulnerability and transparency has won me over. Its great to be a positive energizer bunny but you have to be real too. Props for giving Ms Ego a kick in the pants and letting us in on your feelings and thoughts. I’m certain every trader feels this way from time to time (I’m definitely in that camp). I get down at how painfully slow progress seems, I have a patient wife!
towpathknitter

Hi Jess,
Just this past week I got in that frame of mind. My solution was to grab and read Michael Martin’s ‘The Inner Voice of Trading’ (he;s an Ed Seykota student) and Geshe Michael Roach’s ‘The Diamond Cutter’. Between the two of these, I got calmed down and straightened out. For you of course, just the decision to make a big market change and then have things here in US take a big divot and AAPL take it in the you-know-where for having bad maps would get your mood soured.
We felt plenty grumped too, and of course you did NOTHING to further the creation of AAPL’s bad maps!!!
Sometimes stuff happens, so we must treat ourselves gently, take a little time-out and have back at it in a few.
Love your writing – keep up the great work!
–Heather
- http://www.roguetraderette.com/ Jessica Peletier
  
  Hi Heather – I do have The Inner Voice of Trading, I might have to dust it off
  I haven’t checked the markets this morning, but thankfully I haven’t traded $AAPL, so I’m all good there.
  Even after just a couple of days off, I’m thinking more clearly – it turns out that between writing 3 books, trading 3 markets, and figuring out a tricky property subdivision, it might just be a bit much.
  
  Who knew? lol
  
  Thanks for the kind words
Mongolian

Jess – I love trading and everything about it, and I can see from your blog we are like minded almost across the board. I challenge you to examine the statement ‘trading defines me and makes me who I am’. I struggled with this exact issue, over and over. I finally came to the realizations that:

1. Trading is a mechanism. It is a tool I use. My ‘success’ at trading does not define me. What it does mean is either I have a profitable day/week/month, whatever or I do not. Just like any other business. I trade however, because I am forced to the be the best version of myself. I cannot hide and that is why I love it.

2. I am as successful as I want to be. Once I embraced this, I was able to really cut to the chase and see where I was still holding on to my ‘stories’ and where my results weren’t quite measuring up it usually meant that I was only saying I was committed, but in reality I had more to give.

I agree 100% with you that trading makes me a better person, and pursuing excellence in trading absolutely inspires those wonderful traits that you have listed. Yes, I am a Trader. I am a husband, a father, a brother, a son, a speculator, an employer.

I wish you the best. As Howard said, Keep Plugging away. Enjoy your writings!
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=688588664 Colin Miller
  
  Great post Mongolian.
http://www.howardlindzon.com howardlindzon

keep plugging away.
- http://www.roguetraderette.com/ Jessica Peletier
  
  Yep. Reminds me of the saying “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” I’m getting up – in about a fortnight
CaseyJ

Jess,

Many times during
my career I was convinced that if my employer had to pay me what I was worth
they couldn’t afford me. Other times I
was just as convinced that if they knew the truth I’d be shown the door. I believe when you start feeling comfortable in
any business, profession, or occupation you are on the way to going broke or
getting fired.

I’m not sure what
you mean by “real success at trading”, but to me it does not mean that I have
to be a world-class trader. I think
being a good journeyman trader can be success, too. The one making the greatest returns is
probably taking the most risk, and that is not likely to continue.

Enjoy your
break. I’ll miss reading your posts and
look forward to your return.

Casey
- http://www.roguetraderette.com/ Jessica Peletier
  
  Thanks Casey I’ll be back in a couple of weeks, I need some computer-free beach-time!
http://www.facebook.com/brian.d.sparks Brian D. Sparks

The greatest sin in life is to be average or boring!
robertsweetman

Hey Jess – an interesting point which cropped up in a book I’m reading at the moment goes as follows… ‘Stop Hoping for the Completion of Anything in Life’ which essentially means that you never arrive because as long as life continues the challenge never ends.

I’m trying to accept the implications of this (that I’ll never get to where I can just ‘rest’ having got to some future end point – which is kind of sucky) and have realised that I’ve again gotten fixated on my distance from some mythical end goal rather than simply putting one foot in front of the other

I’ll pm you the source for that quote later – go do some chillaxing in the meantime!
- Brian
  
  Robert-Book sounds good. Can you share title and would you recommend? Thanks!
  - robertsweetman
    
    Awww crap Brian, if you’re gonna force me to look like a sandal wearing mystic… here goes… it’s from ‘Way of the Superior Man’ by David Deida. You’re either going to love it or really, really hate it…
    - http://www.roguetraderette.com/ Jessica Peletier
      
      Thanks Rob – sounds like some light holiday reading
      - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=688588664 Colin Miller
        
        Robert I like the quote…and found your ‘recommendation’ hilariously honest!
http://www.andrewcaldwell.org/blog Andrew Caldwell

Unfortunately not being a standard career, there’s no TAFE course or apprenticeship waiting for a trader, mentors are few and far between, the success stories are swinging away on their hammocks keeping to themselves (or so I like to think). So I’m not sure if/when a trader has ever ‘made’ it… the goal posts seem to always be moving away. Mastered the basics and then to realise you’re a complete beginner in the next level.

I know there’s the ‘entrepreneurial blues’, pretty sure there’s the ‘small business/trading blues’ too, and not just related to losing streaks.

Anyway, hope to see you back soon, well rested & refreshed!
- http://www.roguetraderette.com/ Jessica Peletier
  
  “Mastered the basics and then to realise you’re a complete beginner in the next level.”
  Finding out I’m a complete beginner in backtesting…lol
  
  Back soon

A Quick Trip To Sooksville.

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