I think I’m burnt out.
I’m not quite sure though, I’ve never really ever felt like kicking trading to the wall and walking away before – not even that first time when I lost a heap of money. But I do today.
I’m frustrated. Things are taking forever to fall into place, and I’m sick of it. I’m tired of thinking I’ve got it, only to find that I don’t.
I’m tired of congratulating myself on a new achievement, a new level of accomplishment only to find a whole new area that I’m just so sadly lacking in that I’m almost back to square one. If it’s not square one, it looks suspiciously like square two.
I’m tired of snails pace.
I couldn’t sleep last night. I lay awake wondering if I’m delusional – that I think far too highly of myself and that perhaps I don’t actually have what it takes to grasp real success at trading. Perhaps it’s just a massively inflated ego that lets me believe I can do anything, when in reality I’m just average, and no-one special at all.
But I can’t quit.
I can’t quit because if I do, I’m normal. I’m like every other mum in the world who sits around at home and watches Ellen on TV while eating 3 packets of Tim Tams. And that, to me is intolerable. I’ll never be that person. I know with my whole soul that I’m not destined for that kind of average.
So I have to trade. Right or wrong, trading defines me, and makes me who I am. 99 days out of 100, trading makes me a better person – a more thoughtful, creative, passionate, fulfilled, loving and purposeful person. It inspires me to become better in all areas of my life, not just a better trader.
And that’s why after a short break I’ll be back - reworking my method, filling the holes and growing. Because there is no other option for me.
I am a Trader.