I’m single mumming it this week. When I found out my husband was going away I was quite looking forward to it – not because he’s difficult to live with, but because it gives me time to be totally selfish.
I was going to use opportunity to write my heart out. I was going to catch up on some other paid writing work I have, as well as trade the European FX session in the evening. I was going to teach myself to read the tape, and have a look at finding ‘In Play’ stocks in the Aussie market. I was going to read my new trading books, I was going to paint my toenails, and once the kids were in bed I was going to spoil myself with gorgeous glass of red.
It was going to be a Jess-fest, and it was going to be great.
In my happy little daydream, I neglected to factor in that I had kids. There was no mention of me being Dad as well as Mum, and I managed to sugar-coat the fact that I had to do everything for my little family, from finding a matching pair of socks to cooking their dinner.
It didn’t end well. Rather than dumping my dream and resigning myself to the fact that I was going to be in servant-mode the whole week, I stubbornly mashed my fantasy head on into reality and created my own special kind of train-wreck.
In my wisdom, I managed to create a magical little place where absolutely nothing went right.
Because I was so determined to live the dream, I stayed up late into the night cramming everything in. Because I was up late, the next day my normally sunny personality morphed into something more reminiscent of the Hulk on a bad day. And because I was channelling the Hulk, I couldn’t write and I couldn’t trade.
And when you can’t write, can’t trade and can’t smile, children tend to be rather intolerable.
Which in turn makes life itself become somewhat intolerable. (Temporarily, of course )
I Am An Idiot.
I chose to Go Hard when I should’ve just Gone Home. Rather than treating myself kindly and reducing my workload and spoiling my kids while I was single parenting, I upped my workload, upped my expectations and in doing so guaranteed that I would be successful at absolutely nothing. (Except cooking sausages – according to my boys that was my win for the week.)
So yesterday I changed tack. I laughed with my kids. I turned off my laptop before dinner. I chatted with my girl in the evening and managed to work out some pretty major 9 year-old issues. And I put myself to bed at 10pm.
And you know what? Today the world is a better place.
Knowing When To Go Home
There comes a point when you have to pull the pin. Sometimes, you’re just not in a good place and if you continue to trade through a patch like that it will manifest itself in your P/L.
If you’re angry, the market will aggravate it. If you’re impatient, your trading will show it.
You just can’t make objective decisions when you’re looking at your screen through a veil of frustration or tiredness.
You might think you’re really hard-core, that you’ll tough it out and make it happen – but it doesn’t work. All that happens is that you start trading on tilt and market reflects back all that inner turmoil which in turn simply compounds it.
There’s a reason why the pro’s turn to things like exercise, yoga and meditation to get themselves in the right emotional and spiritual place for trading – it’s just unfortunate these things are a bit tricky to implement when you have little voices asking you to tie their shoelaces or get them a cookie every 5 minutes.
So I’m going home. I’m chilling out, and I’m hanging with my kids. We might play Monopoly, and I’ll go hard at that, instead.
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